Rude Things People Have Actually Said to Me While Prego
I was so excited to get pregnant, obviously to be a mother and to expand the already amazing family my husband and I have created, but I was also excited to sport an adorable little baby bump. I had no idea though that as soon as I started showing and expanding, I became public domain for everybody's rude and hurtful comments. Here are five things people have actually said to me.
"Wow, I wasn't as big as you when I was that far along. But don't worry, because you haven't gained too much weight in your face and arms." — My neighbor from down the street drove all the way over just to tell me this. She's also a mother of a 1-yr old.
"Wow, you're huge. You could give birth right now." — I was only 24 weeks pregnant
My dentist said, "Look at that belly! What are you, 8 months pregnant?" I smiled and said, "Nope, just four and a half months." And she said, "Oh, well are you sure there aren't twins in there?"
"I can really tell you're pregnant in your face." — A close relative said this to me. So basically she was telling a pregnant lady her face was fat. Nice.
"How much weight have you gained?" — A different close relative said this and I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say.
"Somebody must be having a baby REAL soon," said some stranger at the vet's office two weeks ago. "Not till August, "I said. And she said. "Oh. Wow."
"Aww you're pregnant, when are you due?," someone asked me last week. "Not till the end of August," I said, and her response was, "Oh god, you're going to be pregnant for the entire Summer? That sucks."
I have smiled through all these comments, because I don't want to be that hormonal prego lady who has an emotional outburst. But man, I'm only 27 weeks along, and if these comments continue, I'm going to lose it one day and really give someone a piece of my mind. Tell me, what rude, inappropriate, or hurtful comments have you received while pregnant?
Miu Miu
Butterfly
49 Comments
Post a CommentI'm 25 weeks along and everyone at work feels the need to tell me what I should/shouldn't do, even though I've made very clear that I'm listening to my doctor and he hasn't made any restrictions so far. According to my coworkers, I shouldn't lift anything, no bending, no cleaning, etc. It's enough to drive me crazy! It's my pregnancy let me determine what's "too much" I know my limits and would never do anything to risk my first baby.
Wow you are all belly! You look good.
Wait another month or 2 you'll get the 'OMG shouldn't you be home or in the hospital...you look like you're gonna pop any minute now'.
During my first pregnancy my MIL said to me..."did your doctor put you on a specific diet"...clueless me said..."no...I've only gained 15lbs (at about 20 weeks)"..she said..."I only gained 15 lbs for each of my pregnancies"...RUDE!
aside from a cashier at kohl's asking me when i was due (after i had the baby), i recall being told a story about a woman who LOST her baby at the same point in the pregnancy that i was currently and how they planted the placenta in the ground with a fruit tree. after the story was finished i was asked what i thought about it, to which i replied, "i think that i would never eat fruit at their house".
Its not comments that hurt my feelings. Because no one can tell that Im pregnant. Im as far along as you are Beaner. The difference though is that your fit and in shape and Im completely not. I was a size 22/24 before I got pregnant so I was obese anyway. Now that my belly has gotten bigger..I look monstrous. People cant tell Im pregnant so they give me dirty looks. Some things you just have to shrug off or laugh at it. My most common comment, "Oh!! Youre pregnant? How far along are you?" ..I tell them and they look at my belly again...yeah. I just have to laugh it off or I'd be crying everyday.
And btw..im having a great healthy pregnancy!
Oh my goodness Beaner!! When I first read this post, I have to admit, I thought to myself "man, how big could this girl have gotten?" but now that I see your pic, I have to tell you - YOU LOOK GREAT!! Maybe because of the way you're carrying people make such crazy comments, but I think you look so fabulous! If it makes you feel any better, I carried the exact opposite. Right up until I had my daughter, my belly didn't stick out very far, however I had gained 55 lbs all over the rest of my body. I never "looked" more than maybe 7-8 months prego, even though I went from 128 to 183 lbs! Please don't take those silly comments seriously. You look like you're having a BOY because your belly is out & beautiful! Enjoy your pregnancy, hon, and don't let this stuff get you down. I always tried to remind myself that even though I felt like a moose, I should be grateful for this pregnancy. You never know what will happen in the future - maybe I'll never be able to get pregnant again and THIS, strange as it may be, is truly something I am (was) lucky to experience.
"Are you having a girl?" - "Yeah" - "I can tell because your belly is showing wide." Might as well just tell me how fat I am at that point.
i cannot tell you how many people have asked me if i was having twins either seriously or as a joke because i'm "so big" (i'm not - i'm just "all belly" like others) i finally started saying "you've never seen someone carrying twins, have you?"
I got the "you SURE you're not having twins?" comment when I was pregnant, plus constant comparisons to my sister-in-law who was also expecting (our children were born mere days apart.) But the worst comment had to be, "If you're having a boy, your a$$ will really spread out and get wide *looks behind me* Yup, you're having a boy!" That was the worst because (a) I was carrying a girl and (b) it was my own mother who said it.
A friend of mine hadn't seen me in a while, and when he saw my 8 months pregnant belly, he said, "Oh my god! You're, like, BULGING!" Luckily, he caught me in a good mood, and I could not for the life of me stop laughing.
A coworker said something relatively benign about my food (asking me if I was sure I wanted the spicy burrito, warning that it may give me heartburn) and it reduced me to tears. O.o
But the one thing that drove me crazy, that could work me up into a rage every single time, was this: "Hurry up and have that baby!"
It is indeed staggering how rude and thoughtless some people can be. I guess not everyone would know that after baby #1, your body knows the song by heart, memorized the sheet music and all, and just launches into production on each baby afterwards. But, as some wise person said "it is better to say nothing and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
And as for fat? Um, don't think so. You look fantastic from top to bottom. And you SHOULD tell people when they're rude. Don't need to go all nuclear. A simple "Gee. Thanks." with the "I'm so not appreciating what you just said" expression on your face should get the point across. Maybe someone will get the point and keep their fool mouth shut next time they think it's ok to comment like that.
Oh my. This never ceased to amaze me. Especially that most of the people commenting were other mothers or women! Really, do you not remember how hormonal and uncomfortable you were feeling while pregnant? I'm very very petite -- not even five feet. So not only did I get the rude stares from people that must have thought I was some teenage mother (I was 21!), but of course I looked like I was about to topple over from 20 weeks on. My MIL said to me "You look like you're going to explode." Ah. Thanks. I also got a nice comment when I was a week away from my due date from a lady at a store: "I feel SOOOO bad for you." Well now, that just makes my day!
Sometimes people just have no idea what is coming out of their mouths. I like herhighness's idea, saying "Oh. Thank you." along with the not impressed look is a good way to let someone know they're being a little tactless!
It goes either way. The comments that bothered me when I was indeed pregnant with twins were, "are you SURE there are two in there?" and "Have you actually seen two babies in there because you sure don't look like there could be two in there." The really bad comments came AFTER I had my twins and took them out in public. The nerve of some people!
Oh my gosh you have the CUTEST bump ever!! And the rest of you is teeny tiny...people are crazy.
I'm about 26.5 weeks along and I'll get some "Wow, you're getting huge!" comments from people. I know they don't mean it in a mean way - more like, wow, I can't believe how fast your pregnancy is going - but still, who likes to hear that they're "huge"?
It seems like as soon as you're pregnant, your personal space goes out the window. People (including strangers) feel like they can stare at you, make comments without thinking, and touch your belly. What's that about?
BEANER, you look terrific! and I certainly doubt that any of the people making these comments would disagree! people say things that come across rude, but in my experience, its not meant to be rude, they just dont' know any better. Ive even caught myself commenting and comparing my pregnancy to a friends, only to later think about it, and wonder if I shouldn't have said anything. Luckily I think my friend would have told me to shut up if she thought I needed to be told! Embrace that little baby and enjoy every moment of carrying him or her!!
During my second pregnancy i was asked on multiple occasions if I was having twins (I did not). And people would tell me I looked tired which I think was their "nice" way of saying I looked like crap. Not what a preggar wants to hear.
I think you look amazing. No two babies are a like and no two baby bumps will be the same either.
When I was about 7 months pregnant I went to dinner with my husband, parents and grandparents. After we left my husband told me that when I went to the restroom my mom said to everyone at the table "Wow, can you believe how wide she's gotten?" I never felt like it'd gotten "wide"! Everyone else was telling me how cute I was and how I was all belly and didn't even look pregnant from behind. Nothing like your own mother making you feel like crap!
I was so glad to see this post, b/c I am almost 4 months along with my first child and have had several people make similar comments. One woman asked if I was having twins. The worst was from another pregnant woman who asked how far along I was, and when I said 14 weeks she said (shocked) "Wow! Really!? Are you eating a lot." She was 17 weeks and was not showing at all. I wanted to punch her in the face...
The comments I just "loved" were "WOW your huge, are you sure your not having twins?" and I replied "nope just one" and then the response to that was "Really? You look like you could be having triplets!" Then my cousin was so nice to inform me that "your having a girl, your butts getting HUGE and with girls your butt spreads" ..... NICE!!!! I did have a girl btw .....
When I was almost 9 months pregnant, my husband and I went to the grocery store after work one evening. I am in my 30's, but I look young as people tell me, so I'm guessing she thought I was way younger than I am. We are very clearly married as well, so that had nothing to do with it.
As we were walking in, there was an older lady walking out. She looked at me, gave me the dirtiest look you can imagine and said "stupid pregnant b*****!" I was completely and totally shocked, my mouth dropped and I just stared at her like "WHAT???" She then continued muttering "I can't afford to bring no welfare baby into this world, and it isn't fair that YOU are either!" I just stood there completely shocked and I froze! My husband however went after her and asked her what her problem was. She kept mumbling and cussing about a welfare baby. We are married, we were in our early 30's for crying out loud, and we both work full time. We (luckily) have not needed any help, and have been lucky enough (especially in this economy) to be able to provide everything that we need with no assistance.
The kicker came on another trip to the store with all 3 of us after DS was born. The same lady saw DS and said "Awww, what a cute baby!" and wanted us to stop so she could see him.
Like most women in America, I am not a stick figure waif. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, my horrible jerk doctor told me that I was morbidly obese(which I am not) and that he would have to break my babies shoulders to get him out when he was born if I didn't lose weight. Then he put me on a super-strict diet and I actually lost about 30 pounds. By the time I was nearing delivery, I was literally all baby. People can be cruel. But my little man is absolutely gorgeous so I got the last laugh.
I understand pregnancies make a girl hormonal but you should try not be so sensitive. I'm know OB/GYN but just by looking at you I would've thought you were 6months. You're showing a lot in my opinion..but take that as a weird compliment. You're a petite woman and all belly, just brush those comments aside and know that people are happy for you and don't mean anything by it. Nobody intentionally upsets a pregnant woman!
The last time you posted something I remember commenting about how I was going through the same kind of thing. Turned out, when I had my 20 week ultrasound we discovered I was pregnant with twins-- so I guess all those people saying "Oh are you sure you're not having twins?" were right, lol to an extent... because NOW when people ask me how far long I am and I tell them I am 6 months with twins I get mixed reactions... "Oh you're not that big for 6 months with twins" or "You're going to pop you're so big!" I also get a mixed bag of looks... from evil eyes, blantant staring, because I carry SO high and Im round it literally looks like I am carrying around a large basketball in there. You should've seen me the other night my hubby took me for ice cream and I got a banana split you would have thought I ordered 10 ice creams everyone in the whole placed stared at me like "Oh my God the pregnant girl is going to eat ALL that????" I think people in general need to mind their own goddamn business and keep their comments to themselves. Like, dont you think I get comments like this all the time? Or are you so self righteous you have to point out the obvious to me, in case I didnt realize I was pregnant or something? Reading all these comments, I feel like I am not alone, and that makes me feel a little better about dealing with all the unwanted attention. But its still infuriating some of the comments perfect strangers make, what ever happened to the days where people respected one another? Its kind of sad!
The worst comment I've had so far is. "You shouldn't look like that already, that's not healthy. You should be eating quinoa and flax seeds. I'm only telling you because I care about you." From a male friend. Ya thanks buddy. Anyway I broke down crying and was upset and angry for days. I'm only 9weeks pregnant and have a lil bit of a bump.
random comments during pregnancy don't bother me as much as not being able to lose my bb belly after number 2. someone did ask if i was prego again but it wa s mentally challenged woman.
random comments on my kids appearances and how i dress them do bother me, though.
i got so much pressure to cut my sons beautiful wispy shoulder-length hair.... because everyone thought he was a girl and i don't want to give him issues.
and not to be racist but i live in a very asian area and the NEW people from mainland china and elderly asian people always monitor how warm my kids are, whether they have socks and hats, etc. my son sweats easily so i dont like to bundle him up, and i am constantly explaining this to people in my neighbourhood.
It is almost as though people can't even talk to pregnant ladies, because they take everything the wrong way and get offended at every single thing you say. How many of you ladies have been holding grudges against random people and friends because of this? You need to realize that ppl aren't sitting around trying to think of how to hurt your feelings.
Most people love the way pregnant women look. I personally love the big round belly and I guess my friend took offense somehow at something I said to her at the bump, no idea what because I think she was so fit and beautiful during her pregnancy (not that she wasn't fit and beautiful before or after either btw). But she seemed to (like most of you are) get so offended over the littlest things, and twisting my words (even if they were meant to be nice and supportive) into meanings I never even in my wildest dreams would have thought up all by myself. It seemed like she must have thought I was trying to spite her with every single thing I was saying, when I was far from that. Remember this next time you blow some little comment out of proportion.
Beaner, I'm totally with you - I'm carrying all out front and it gets flat out AWKWARD at times, even when I meet other pregnant women who are as far or further along than I but who are carrying different and look smaller. It sucks! I try not to take stuff too personally, but it's hard. Recently, I had a woman say "You must be due very soon," and I said "Nope, just 24 weeks..." She turned beet red - serves her right!! Wouldn't the obviously better wording have been "When are you due?"
You're telling pregnant women to "lighten up"? Have you been pregnant? It's called hormones...
Maybe you should take the time to not take it personally when a pregnant women's inherent sensitivity strikes...you're not the one who's in perpetual discomfort.
My recent favorites have been:
"When are you gonna have that baby??" -- asked all the time by coworkers who are well aware that I am only 29 weeks along and am not due until mid-August
"When was your last doctor's appointment? What did they have to say about your weight?" -- asked by my husband's grandmother EVERY time we see her
"Yeah, she's finally starting to come along" -- a comment made by my mother-in-law; I guess I am finally showing enough for her liking
Let's see I got the " Holy cow you must be having twins", the " You must have your dates mixed up you are huge", at the donut shop some dumpy little mann said " Whoa lady I am gonna have a hard time getting round you, you're gigantic" and when I was 7 months pregnant standing at the back of a church getting ready to walk in a friends wedding as I turned and people saw the full on burgeoning belly I heard a jack ass I went to highschool with say in a not quiet at all voice across the church " Holy sh*t Becky's huge look at her all knocked up". I have three babies a 4 yr old, a just turned 2 yr old and a ten month old I am almost back in shape but each progressing pregnancy I was told I was bigger than the last and that I had the biggest ass anyone has ever seen on a white girl, nice huh.
Lets see just today I've heard....
"Can you drive with that thing?" .....apparently this woman was talking about my stomach.
"Wow! You're huge! You're probably due any minute!" .......thanks random man
I hear something new pretty much on a daily basis. Some ppl have no filters. I feel huge, so its lovely when random people comment on it, ugh. And yes, I am due any minute, thank you stranger for making me more anxious, the one minute I was thinking about something else.
I showed early and was also all belly. But from day one, all my mother in law could say was "You're so fat! I never knew anyone could get so fat!!" I only gained 21 lbs. I just wanted to look at her and say "Yeah and I'm pregnant - what's your excuse?" I'm trying to get pregnant with number two. Do you think I could get away with it this time?
LOL I got ya'll beat...
I was hospitalized with m 2nd son's pregnancy for 6 weeks for an unrelated condition and went home with a PICC line and in-home nurses. I'd broken in a few nurses (they would come and have no idea what my condition was, why I had a PICC line, or even that I was pregnant) when I got a new one. As subsequent pregnancies go, I was showing at around 3-4 months, and was overweight/swollen from steroids, but not obese. She's going over their questionairre, including habits like eating and drinking and I responded about my habits, and when she got to the alcohol one, I said, "No, especially considering my disorder AND I'm pregnant." She looks me up and down and says "You're pregnant?? I just thought you were fat!"
YEah.... good times... I actually thought it was hilarious, at the time. I responded "Well, I *AM* fat, but I'm pregnant, too!" Imagine if she'd caught me on a bad day...... =P
I think people like to sahre in other peoples prgnancys. This can be a bit much sometimes, especially if you weren't all that close before.
Sometimes their comment may sound bad but they aren't meant in a nasty way. "Gee I wasn't that big" may simply be them saying they weren't that big. It doesn't mean they think your too big, or your fat.
Sometimes we need to take comments at face value. I had a slightly ignornant friend who said to me "Wow, your getting really big" on a bad day. I turned around and said" I'm 6 months pregnant, I'd hope so". She qucikly apologised for sounding rude and said she simply said it becasue she hadn't seen me in awhile and she had forgotten how quickly the time had gone. Wasn't meant in a judgemental or hurtful way!
On a side note i had a friend who was just about due and was getting a check up from her doctor. The doctor is feeling my friends tummy and asks "are you having an extraordinary large baby...?" before she can answer he says "Oh no, thats just you!"
My friend and her husband were dead quiet for a few seconds then cracked up! Lucky my friend has a good sense of humour and the doctor caught her on a good day, imagine the consequences otherwise!
Well, my cousin is "pregnant", or so she says. I dont know how to bring up some points of interest without sounding like a bitch. She is 21 weeks, isnt showing AT ALL(she was a size 2 before and still is the same size, boobs and all), she goes to the tanning bed a few times a week, smokes and drinks, hasnt had an ultrasound(except for the first on at 7 weeks, where she said she heard the heartbeat), had her first blood draw and labs yesterday, hasnt had any checkups(she just got approved for medicaid, and says she doesnt have the money to do those thing, but still goes to get her nails done each week and goes out all the time), and honestly, I think she is just trying to exploit my family into getting things and money. What do yall think?
Oh, ladies, ladies...
There is a balance. For example, I am 4'11" and weigh 119 lbs. So I'm really short and NOT superthin--I've got a body that's built for soccer/field hockey. I am fit, but I do not have thin limbs or a 6-pack of abs. When I was pregnant, I gained 35 lbs (right at the "upper limit" of what's acceptable for my age and height), but I was carrying a 21-inch, 9-lb baby. Now, we didn't know his stats while I was pregnant, but let's face it: I was HUGE! I knew it, my husband knew it, strangers knew it...facts are facts, folks.
Here's the deal--many of you are equating the idea of large size (i.e., "huge!" "so big!" etc.) with "fat." As in "obese." It's important to keep a sense of humor, an open mind, and to be honest with yourself and with the rest of the world. Practically none of these comments are meant maliciously, but our oversensitive hormones allow us to take them that way. Gentle reminders and witty quips work wonders, too. And remember to breathe--relax. You are the size Mother Nature needs you to be to support your growing baby.
I'm 21 weeks pregnant...and my boyfriend said to me tonight...
I was just looking how your butt is getting fatter.....as I was serving dinner. I got so pist and explained that it HURTS to hear that...why can't he tell me I'm glowing or beautiful like his friends do when they see me and leave his fat comments for another time. He got pissy and left the dinner table and did not eat the excellent garden veggie dinner I'd been preparing for an hour...Obviously has no clue that his comments are painful....this is his first child. I told him that most women would FREAK OUT on that comment and some may even try to hit him afterwards. ...signed pregnant with a big fat butt according to my boyfriend in San Diego
So I am 31 weeks pregnant and I have only gained 5 lbs (My doctor is not worried, I eat all the time get plenty of fluids and I am taking my vitamins) To me and my husband I definitely look pregnant, however, people tend to say "I wasn't sure" or "REALLY!" like it is a total shocker. I always say "So you just thought I was fat!!" and I try to sound offended. I am upset people don't know, but I get a kick out of making them feel like they just called me a cow!!!
You look awesome. i too found out I was having twins @ 19 week u/s. I have heard every comment in the book about being huge/big whatever, So annoying! I love when people ask when I am due and I tell them and they look at me with the weirdest look. My favorite: your already so big your going to be just huge you know. I am a nurse and I love when people tell me all about the risk of preterm labor and all, seriously people!
1st of all, you look sooo cute! Secondly, how in God's name do you find the strength to just smile and walk away?! I'm not finding out the sex of my baby and that just opens the floodgates to everyone's (from the man at 711 to my bosses wife and everyone in between) predictions, of course all of them have been that I'm having a girl because I'm looking I guess, Extremely Gross! The thing I don't get is strangers, they don't know what I looked like before I was prego, maybe this is an improvement. It's just so insulting and makes me not wanna leave the house. I'm having a hard time these last 2 moths
So get this...I've been a bellydancer for three years now. I have never been a skinny girl...I like to think I am curvacious
....all my life my mom has been giving me war because I can gain weight very fast(specially on
the breast area). I am three and a half months pregnant and its starting to show a little (again...mostly on the boobs) Today I was feeling silly and started to dance to my mom and she told me
"continue the way that you're eating and your not gonna be a bellydancer...youre gonna be a jellydancer!!!" "It should be that big!!!" I got really upset....I mean...not even when I'm pregnant
I can catch a break??? Duuuuude!
I am 3 1/2 months and am already starting to show a lot!! I had someone look at me just yesterday and say: "Have you bought maternity clothes yet??" and when I replied and said yes she said: "well i think its time to start wearing them, the outfit you have on looks to be way to small." I didnt even know what to say!!
I am getting so sick of the "fat" comments! I am 35 weeks. My grandmother-in-law just said she was worried the baby would be too big, and did the doctor say everything was ok? Then she said, "Oh well, I guess being pregnant is the best excuse for getting fat!" Rudeness! What does she want me to do, go on a diet at 35 weeks pregnant?
Other ladies, aquaintances from church, have been downright mean. I started wearing my wedding ring around my necklace since my fingers started swelling, and when she saw this she laughed maniacally in my face! "You must feel so fat right now!" She was an old be-yatch who is probably infertile. Come to think of it, most of the rude comments have been from older ladies-maybe there is some sort of fertility jealousy issue there?
Thankful for baby, and for my job but getting flack at work. Perhaps its the industry (late night server) and hours but I get some awful comments from both catty coworkers and drunks. Granted considering the source (coworker who was rude before i really began to show) and now at 20 weeks had gained 11 pounds..certainly not excessive but yes its all belly on my petite frame..the inside fat jokes and snickers from her and others have gotten to me. I lost 2 lbs stressin over it (not intentionally don't own a scale, just learned so clearly have to approach it differently) Irritates me this sociopath is also a complete hypocrite as I learned she put on 60 in her pregnancy. But thats not the worste.. the drunks I have to deal with.. OMG. Lets just say in the last week I got 2 unsoliceted offers to abort my baby via hanger/ and a punch to the belly..indirectly as the rest of the table laughs. Grrr.. have started lashing back. Thank God I have a counceling appointment coming. I am beginning to think people are complete scum.. wishing I could get a better/more family friendly shift, but they say I do a better job than the others so i am stuck there.. more work .. less pay. Looking forward to some changes (necessary later
/
thank God) in the future. Trying to ..not hurt these people and yet not take it. Think ultimately I am driving some business away.. but they are A$$holes anyway in my mind
Oh wow, I'm actually so surprised that this happens to many women. I thought I was the only one. I'm 27 weeks pregnant, and it just feels like I'm in the Twilight Zone. People seem to have forgotten basic manners and sensitivity. People, even those who I'm not necessarily friends with, think that they can just comment about my weight. I especially hate it when they point at my boobs and exclaim how big they are.
Great post i like it very much thanks
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Well, atleast I'm not the only one going through this. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and have heard every one of these rude comments over the last few months. It's always really frustrating to feel beautiful and pregnant, and to have everyone making you feel like you're the size of an elephant. I've never said anything remotely like the things we've heard to any woman.
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